Saturday saw race four of our local SUP club race series, great turn out and a proper gruelling course, just what id love to be involved in.

It is so hard not to have expectations and succumb to the “voices”. One of my greatest passions is training, however out of balance it is not wellbeing or healthy, it becomes self harm or ego. Quite quickly in my case.

What are the voices ? whose are they ?

Almost daily I have to smile at the thankfully now subtle lack of compassion or for want of a better phrase , conditioned acceptance I have for what I think of as myself.

My mind continually tries to tell me I must do something, be busier, win something just to be good enough, the insanity of humanity.

Injuries happen, and usually are not the end of the world, quite often it is the insistence of mind to push on that does more damage than the original wound.

Its a strange and new understanding each time I actually listen to my body and mind and take genuine care and show kindness to myself.

Truthfully the big test was not to race with a small shoulder injury, mind was saying do it, don’t be a wuss, crack on, never give up.

Everybody has there weak spots un yet  so many wish to judge and throw stones when they are in glass houses themselves.

Mindfulness has helped me become aware of these patterns and thats all they are patterns and if I am lucky like on Saturday, I gain a different perspective and realise I am not my thinking.

Compassion is a strange word, and regularly for me means back down from the need to prove and look at my intentions.

Moving from fear based living to love is an adventure.

Amazingly, it was wonderful to go and watch a lot of friends really put themselves though their paces and a great race. A totally different perspective and perhaps equally if not more valuable to see and watch the paddle techniques and get a better understanding and appreciation of the technique and sport.

Sometimes it is better to take care of yourself, move away, be gentle and stand on the sidelines to watch and learn, still cannot believe those words could come from my mouth.

not withstanding there will be extra training for the next race…