Dear Zafu,

Sitting cross legged on a bloody cushion, Haha did I ever think that would be part of my life.

No, but then to stay still I had to work all hours God sends, be really really stressed and over achieving, then have to drink fifteen pints of lager, a concoction of pills and other chemicals, until I dropped and then and only then because I was ruined would I lay still for a few days.

Or the other obviously much more acceptable and healthier option. Haha. Work hard, play hard. Work mentally, get stressed, and so train like a psycho until I drop.

What a pattern that was, I think they call it all or nothing. I have heard similar. Along the lines of we work and work and work, then as soon as we go on holidays hey presto we get ill. Years ago a lovely chap Sean who studies acupuncture explained this in Chinese medicine as the Yin and Yang energy being out of balance, but I leave it there because I know nothing about that.

Simply for me when I sit on a Zafu there is nothing to do but be still and observe. It balances the doing by being.

Each and everyone of us finds our own way, but this constant striving this need to be somewhere that will stop the itch. That has been a big part of my journey.

Jerry Brewster talks about the importance of struggling with these habitual reactions physically, emotionally and mentally to make a change – to break this habit loop:

posture > emotion > thought

thought > posture > emotion

emotion > thought > posture

Brewster proposes that, “if I can interfere with a posture then I find I’m free of both the emotion and the thought tied to that posture.”

The first thing is to become aware of our postures we go back to when we have certain thoughts or emotions – this is where Gurdjieff claims that the problems lies because we do not know what our habits are for me this is where the fun begins: from observation, you start to observe what your habitual postural habits are and start to play games with it. Taking new, unaccustomed postures enables you to observe yourself inside differently from the way you usually do in ordinary conditions.

I believe hear in lies How Yoga works…. Fab.

Time to cut a long story short. My experience was I just found my itch wanted to get better and better and yoga, more flexible…that pose, that series, that pair of leggings, that many people in my class, my practice. Etc etc etc etc etc. Oooooo I must be getting a better person. Just my experience, not all the time but subtly.

Got to watch those leggings in SUP hey boys.

Boy the itch was hiding in yoga/spirituality (whatever that is) I preferred it when it liked money, women, fast bikes and drugs easier to see and actually more fun.

The zafu, I don’t move, I sit, my mind cannot try and advance or change the posture, the itch cannot use the asana to make itself better, how great my sitting practice posture is, no peacocking. Whether it be in a Porsche or on a mat, same thing.

That bastard striving thing, thinking if I get there it will be sorted, getting there then realising the itch is in my mind. And it is still bloody there. Got to laugh. The itch gets pissed off, really pissed off. My experience has been only in doing nothing do I find out why I do something. I am the I in Itch. AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH.

How the hell has sitting still on a cushion been so much fun and pain all at the same time. In truth my thanks and love goes to one of the most beautiful people I know my teacher Daizan. I have heard him say, he can help save you a few wrong turns and dead ends on the journey. Small understatement.

My journey seems to have been to find every wrong turn, every dead end and bump into each tree, but thanks to him, there is an inkling of what unconditional is in the moment.

Love Scott.